The Nigerianised Chinese Family You know how we insult Nigerians who were brought up in “The Jand” that they are bratty and all? It d...
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| The Nigerianised Chinese Family |
One of the children did something
“bad” and the dad was talking on the top of his voice. Their ma just sat down
there, subdued and all. The father was speaking Chinese language. I couldn’t understand
a word of what they were saying.
He took his little daughter to
the bathroom. The girl needed to pee, I guess. On his way back from rest room
with his little girl, he sucker-slapped his other son from behind. Kpa! He never hexperredit! (He never expected it). Immediately,
“Wong Babatunde Chung” (I imagined those were his names) started crying.
As a good father, a benevolent dictator,
his father called him to his side to talk. And they went on in Chinese. Too
bad, I missed out. But I imagined the convo as:
Father: Why did you eat that
extra chicken?
Wong: I don't know (sobs). The
chicken was just too tempting.
Father: Don't you know you’ll get
fat?
Wong: I know.
Father: Don't you know it would affect your karate classes? You know
it is expensive here in Nigeria. Say sorry to daddy. Say you won't eat too much again.
You can imagine the rest for
yourself. Other people were using style-style to laugh. But that sucker-slap was epic o.
P.S. "There is nothing like a benevolent dictator" - Alex Vause, Orange is the New Black.
P.S. S. Sucker-Slap
noun: an unexpected slap
